please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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