God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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