Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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