She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
