I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if only i could text you this smell
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
MIDGETS
????
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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