tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
