This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
