Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
