just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
