she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
