Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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