i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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