She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
