so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
