just tell him i said nine months
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
