I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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