I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
