She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
