At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
