Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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