all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
