whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
