8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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