Your face is a jimmy john
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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