I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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