Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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