So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
