Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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