did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
