i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
