My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
