My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
