hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
