I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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