Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
