Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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