There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I pour the whiskey from now on
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
