thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
