Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she peed on how many people?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize