Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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