I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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