She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
