I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
