i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
