And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
