I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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