Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i came on her dog
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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