My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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