Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
