Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
