At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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