Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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