Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
