Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and she was petting her beer can
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
