Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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