i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize