We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
