True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
