I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think your dad took our porno
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
