he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
