i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
