So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize