I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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